I’m Doing It

I decided today that I’m for sure going on this trip. Of course there could always be something that comes up that would prevent me, but I’m planning on it, and I’ll start making preparations for it. I’m going to need to get my blog up and running.

Last night I decided that I wanted to have a birthday party at our house this next Thursday. I made an event on facebook and I’ve been inviting a bunch of people. In my invite, I mention that I’m planning on going on a trip soon. Everybody has been asking me what trip I’m going on and what-not, so I need a place to refer them to. I want to get my blog up and running, so that I can start referring people to it. I’ll probably take some of the thoughts that I’ve recorded in this blog, and put them in my other one so that there is an explanation of some of my reasons for wanting to go on the trip.

I feel so much different today then I’ve felt in a while. Now that I’ve decided I’m going on the trip for sure, I’m so much more excited for life. I’m more interested in being social and active in Provo, because I know I won’t be hear much longer. I’m actually excited to tell people about what I’m doing, rather than dreading the inevitable “what are you doing now that you’re graduated” question. I think that’s a good thing. I’m excited about it, and I think it will help me get rid of this restless feeling that I’ve been having. I’ve been wanting to make a decision for some time now, but I just wanted to make sure that no other options interested me enough. Well, I think if I don’t go on the trip, I’ll always have a nagging in the back of my mind. I have to live my life so that I can look back at it and have no regrets.

Go by foot or car?

The more I’ve thought about traveling, the more confused I’ve become as to whether or not it will really solve the problem. In reality, I just want to feel fulfilled and happy, and I just haven’t felt that way since I’ve graduated. I look back at these last few months, and they have kind of been a waste. I haven’t really done a whole lot, and I just have not been happy with any of the jobs I have. Upon further reflection of this unsatisfied feeling, I’m wondering if a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m in Provo. I have loved Provo for the last couple of years, but now that I’m graduated, I just don’t feel like I fit here anymore. I think it’s time for me to move on.

So, it may not even be the fact that I’ve hated the jobs I’ve had, although I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed all of them. It could be more that I’m just restless and ready to move on, and I won’t be completely happy with what I’m doing until I pick up and go.

I also think that my feeling of satisfaction has a lot to do with my social life. That is something that is really struggling here in Provo. It’s weird, but for me, the longer I am in one place, the less social I am. When I’m new, I’m extremely outgoing and much less shy. The more comfortable I get and the longer I live in one place, the more reserved I become. It’s like I have that feeling in the beginning that I really don’t care what people think, but then the longer I’m in a place, I care more and more what people think. So, for my social life, it actually might be the best thing for me to go move somewhere else.

After thinking about all these things, I really do think it would be in my best interest to move in December. Now, it’s deciding how I want to move. Do I want to just drop off all my stuff at my parent’s house and be a wanderer on my own with no money? Or, do I decide where I want to move to and drive there and start my life there. Well, one problem is that I really haven’t been to many places in the country, so I don’t really have any specific place in mind that I’d like to live. There is a company in Salt Lake that I’d like to work for, but, I don’t know, that just seems so uneventful. I wonder if I’ll still feel the same restless feeling if I’m living in Salt Lake.

I’ve also been thinking about all the experiences I’ve had that have contributed to my growing desire to get out and see more of the country. My very first experience was in the MTC, when one of my teachers was talking about how he worked for an airline, and every weekend he would just fly to a country and hang out there for a few days. I thought that sounded so fun and so I wanted to do the same thing when I got back. Then, last summer Josh Pratt mentioned how he would like to hitchhike across the country. Once again, I thought that sounded so much fun and I was completely down for the idea. Then, there were some trips that I went on that made me realize how much I love going on trips and just having to figure things out. When I went to a national park with Josh Pratt and Chelsea that we didn’t plan on going to. Then, there was the time I was going to Disneyland, but because of a car crash I ended up spending the weekend in Cedar City. Those trips were so much fun because I didn’t know how things were going to be when I went on the trip.

In conclusion, I’ve pretty much decided that I need to move somewhere. But the questions still remains whether or not I want to move with my car and possessions somewhere, or if I want to completely rough it, and just kind of wander and explore the country. Hmmm, I’ll have to reflect more on this…