More Doubts and Fears

I’ve started having some worries today about my trip. As I’ve been pondering and trying to figure out what my fears are about, I think I’ve come to a better understanding of why I’m nervous. I’m scared that I’m not going to accomplish what I’d like to accomplish with my trip. I’m scared that I’m going to get out on my trip, and start having second thoughts about what I’m doing. Like, with every job that I’ve had with graduation. I can see myself questioning my motives for doing what I’m doing, and not having sufficient motivation to carry through with it. I really don’t want that to happen. I mean, I’ve been having doubts with every decision I’ve made with graduation, and this is something that I’ve felt really good about and have been really excited to do.

I think one of the main reasons for this fear is the fact that I’m pretty sure there isn’t any job that will excite me. I want to be an entrepreneur, and I really don’t think I’ll feel satisfied until I’m successful in my own venture. So, is the purpose of this trip really to figure out what occupation I could enjoy? Hmmm, now that’s the question. Although I would like to be able to find an occupation that I could enjoy and learn from while I work on my own business, I know that any occupation I have will be seen as a short-term solution to help me accomplish my long-term goals. So, really, I don’t think the purpose of my trip is to find an occupation I would enjoy, although I do think that would be a nice byproduct.

I guess I just really want to be sure of what my purpose for this trip is, because I’d hate to build a blog around a certain idea, and then want to change it half-way through. So, I think my real objective and purpose of this trip is to gain a breadth of experience. I want to understand how things are in the real world. How do people do certain jobs and feel fulfilled doing them? What kind of places are out there that I haven’t experienced? What kind of people can I meet and learn from? What do the big and small companies of this country look like, and how do they operate? What kinds of problems exist in the lives of people all over the country that could be fixed by businesses?

I really think that no matter what I do on my trip, I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished my goal if I learn and grow from my experiences. So, really, I can do the same things I’ve been thinking about. I can try to go to work with different people. I can try to tour different businesses across the country. I can stay with a different person every night. Because, in the end, I just want to have a lot of experience and find out what my next step in life really is. I guess I shouldn’t end my trip until I have a specific plan for the future. I can see myself stopping in a city, seeing a good opportunity for a business, and staying there in order to bring it to fruition.

Now, that’s definitely a hard purpose to portray to other people. It’s been hard enough to tell people what I’m doing as it is. Just saying that I’m hitch hiking across the country really doesn’t do the trip justice. Whatever, I’m not doing this for other people anyway.

On another note, I’ve been trying to establish a schedule that I can maintain while I’m on the road. So, I’ve started doing exercises that I should be able to do, no matter where I stay. I’m doing calisthenics every night and running every morning. It feels great when I’m consistently exercising. How come I ever let myself not exercise regularly? I love running. Every time I go running, I feel so good and I wonder why I’m not 100% on doing it every day. I guess that’s just life. Constantly trying to do what you know you should do.

Well, that’s all the thoughts I got for today. There’s a funny video clip from the new twilight movie that I’ve been showing to lots of people that I’d like to share:

Explore the lives of others

I’m kind of feeling sick right now and so I don’t feel like writing in this blog too much. I’m not too sure how long this will be, but I’ll do my best.

I was having some doubts about the trip this morning, but now I’m feeling pretty good about it. I think that I should have two main purposes of this trip. First, I want to use it as career exploration. That means, I want to talk to as many different people as I can about what they do and the skills that are useful in their occupation. I was actually thinking about requiring myself to write in my blog every night about a different occupation. So, that could mean that I need to either jobshadow or interview somebody every day about their occupation. Second, I want to see more places, and decide on where I would like to move to next. I think if I have those as my main purposes, it will be a lot easier for me to focus on and get something out of the trip.

That means, I don’t want to have to worry about money so much on my trip. I’d like to be able to make enough from my job in the next few weeks, or be able to work during my trip doing sales. At least I want enough to start out my trip so that I don’t have to worry about money for the first little bit. Maybe once I’m out on the road I’ll see different opportunities for jobs and what not, and it might not be so bad to run out. But, in the beginning, I’d like to have enough to not have to worry about it.

I think one reason I’m feeling really good about it right now is because I was surfing around on the CouchSurfing website. All of the experiences that people share help me to see how it would be a great experience because I’ll be able to meet lots of different people. I could stay with a different person every night and get a glimpse into their life and their lifestyle. That will help me explore occupations and how people live even more.

The Doubts Start

Well, I started having some doubts today about my trip. I was actually surprised that I felt so good about everything so far, so, I guess I kind of expected myself to have doubts. I mean, I still haven’t made my mind up for sure about the whole thing, so it’s understandable that I’ll have doubts. I think I’m just starting to fear some things.

First off, I’m a little nervous about the cold. Even though my plan is to start in Arizona and then head off to CA, it’s still the winter time. During the winter, it’s cold outside, and so I’m not sure if I’ll want to be outside all the time in the cold. This is actually probably one of my biggest fears of the whole trip: timing. Would it be better to go at another time?

Second off, money. I know facing my fears is one of the points of the trip, so it’s natural to have a fear that I won’t have enough money. I just wonder if I’ll get caught some where, unable to raise the funds I need. I just might end up doing crappy jobs just to get by, where, I could just work for money here, and then go on more trips. I was also thinking today of the possibility of keeping my sales job, and just working remotely. That way I could pay for all of my expenses with my job, but I could just travel around while I’m doing it.

So, I think those are my biggest concerns right now. I’m still very optimistic about the trip, but I’m just not feeling as sure as I was. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about travel blogs and stuff online, and it has been educational to see all of the different blogs that are out there and crazy things that people do. I really do want to get out and see more parts of the country, but is the best way to do that penniless? That’s the question to be answered I guess.

On another thought, I’m kind of surprised at how accepted dishonesty is in the sales profession. I like my sales job right now, but I’m just surprised at how comfortable people are with bending the truth. I don’t ever want to make anything up or be dishonest, but other people don’t seem to mind the means, as long as the person understands what they are getting into in the end. I just don’t agree with that.